Falling Down
by lauryn07
Summary: New Chapter Uploaded. His life was perfect. Until he left the country.
1. Returning Home

Disclaimer: I do not own the original ER characters, however I have made up a few of my own  
  
Falling Down: Returning Home  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Carter stepped into the lounge and mentally cringed as he saw Abby locked in Luka's embrace. He knew things were bad in their relationship. He knew some how things would work themselves out. So, instead of making the situation worse, he minded his own business. He wasn't about to get jealous of Luka accepting a welcome home from Abby. Especially since he was so close to Gillian. That was one thing him and Luka had in common at the moment. Luka's relationship with Gillian was probably just as rocky. He fumbled with his lock with nervous fingers before it finally opened. When he finally closed it and turned around he was alone in the room with Abby.  
  
"Welcome back," she whispered taking a step towards him. He took one back and by her expression it was a slap in the face.  
  
"I'm not expecting the same treatment as Luka," he said before walking past her and out the door. He knew he was probably being unfair, but her me-me-me attitude was unfair to him. So, he threw himself into his work, but his mood and attitude change didn't go unnoticed by anyone.  
  
"You need a break," Susan said walking up behind him at admit.  
  
"I'm fine."  
  
"Okay, but I need a break and I need company."  
  
Finally he closed his chart and followed her into the ambulance bay.  
  
"Wanna talk about it?" Susan asked.  
  
"What?"  
  
"You and Abby."  
  
"Nothing to talk about," he said down on the bench next to her.  
  
"She's had a lot to say." He didn't move. "It sounds like you probably have a lot to say too."  
  
"I'm not curious in the slightest to find out what she said. Let her feel what she wants."  
  
"Do you even want to work things out?" Susan asked.  
  
He looked at her. His gaze was intense and intimidating. So much so that Susan had to look away.  
  
"You know, I spent a month is Africa watching these little kids die of AIDS and diseases that we could cure here. I helped amputate limbs with a dull saw. I watched Luka suffer out in the jungle. And the first thing I thought when I stepped off the plane was that I felt more at home in poverty than I did in my grandparent's house. For a long time the only constant in my life was Abby and slowly she started filtering out. I'm not trying to be selfish and I tried hard to be there for her with her family. It just seemed like my problems were smaller than hers. And then the more I think about her and how much she means to me, the more I realize that us jumping into a relationship was probably the worst thing we could do."  
  
"Meaning that you and Abby are officially over?" she asked. He didn't look up from his shoes.  
  
"I've decided that depending on another person to help me survive isn't worth it anymore," he told her as he stood up.  
  
"What's that suppose to mean?" Susan asked, her eyes wide.  
  
"It means that nothing is worth it anymore," he told her as he walked back inside.  
  
Susan's mind spun with possibilities.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Abby and Susan bot stopped in their tracks when they saw Carter and Luka arguing in the lounge.  
  
"Just do it," Luka said.  
  
"I'm sick of this father figure act, Luka. Just stay out of it," he said slamming his locker shut.  
  
"I talked to Gillian."  
  
"I don't care what Gillian says. She doesn't know what she's talking about."  
  
"She's a nurse."  
  
"And you're getting into business that isn't yours," Carter said as he picked up his jacket. "I'm off."  
  
"Want some company?" Susan asked.  
  
Carter looked at her. "Haven't we already had this conversation?" he asked before walking out.  
  
"What's going on?" Abby asked, looking at Luka.  
  
"Nothing," Luka told her before closing his own locker.  
  
"I think that's the first time you've ever lied to me," Abby said.  
  
"Maybe it's for your own good," Luka said before walking out. Abby just looked at Susan.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
And the confrontations continued throughout the entire week. The relationship between Luka and Carter was only emphasized when the events in Africa came into the light.  
  
"Hey," Susan said walking up next to Carter and handing him a cup of coffee. Almost the second it touched his fingers it was sitting on the counter. "What's wrong?" she asked.  
  
"Nothing," he said as he continued charting.  
  
"Are you writing with your left hand?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"You're not left handed." Carter looked at her but didn't respond.  
  
"Carter," Luka said walking up.  
  
"What?" Carter growled.  
  
"We need to talk," Luka said.  
  
"No, we don't," Carter said attempting to walk off. Luka grabbed his arm and Carter nearly cried out in pain. "Dammit Luka." He immediately released Carter's right wrist.  
  
"I thought you said it was fine."  
  
"We don't have machines in Africa or didn't you notice," Carter said gently rubbing his wrist.  
  
"You told me it was fine. You were doing procedures."  
  
"With my left hand. Just drop the subject," Carter said as Luka followed him towards the lounge.  
  
"No. Aside from this, I think you need to talk to someone," Luka told him.  
  
"I talked to you. That was enough."  
  
"What's going on?" Susan asked.  
  
"Nothing," Carter said.  
  
"Either you talk to someone, or I will," Luka threatened before walking off.  
  
"Maybe you should talk to someone," Susan suggested.  
  
"It won't delay the inevitable," Carter told her, walking off in the opposite direction.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Author's Note: This is my newest work in progress. Please R&R and offer you suggestions and comments to me as I try and make this one complete. 


	2. Running From the Truth

Disclaimer: I do not own the original ER characters, however I have made up a few of my own  
  
Falling Down: Running From the Truth  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Susan walked into the lounge a few hours later to fine Luka finishing his charts.  
  
"Hey," she said opening her locker.  
  
"Hey yourself."  
  
"Glad to be home?" she asked.  
  
"Sometimes. Other times I wish I was still there helping."  
  
"Is that what's wrong with Carter? He really can't stand it here?"  
  
"Is that what he said?" Luka asked.  
  
"Yeah. He said he felt more at home in a foreign country than he did his own hometown. That's the way he's acting too." Luka didn't say anything. "I just thought since you were there and you two are suddenly best friends that maybe you knew more than everyone else."  
  
"Even if I did know what was going on in his head, I'm not about to reveal it to everyone else."  
  
"What you know and what you hide could be important. If he's in trouble we need to help him. He's really good at making people believe he can handle things on his own."  
  
"Maybe he can handle things on his own. It's not my job to be in charge of his problems."  
  
"But if you're his friend then he'll listen to you."  
  
"You aren't his friend?" Luka asked.  
  
"He's my best friend but the truth is he will hide his feelings if it means hurting people close to him."  
  
"Nothing you say is going to make me tell you anything. It's his job to do the telling. I've gained his trust, I'm not going to lose it."  
  
"But if he's in trouble . . ."  
  
"Just leave it alone, Susan," Luka said.  
  
"How'd he hurt his wrist?"  
  
"I don't know."  
  
"Don't lie. Everyone heard you confirm he was injured."  
  
"He's fine. It's nothing that won't be fixed in time."  
  
"Luka . . ."  
  
"The more you bother me, the more I'm denying everything."  
  
"He can't handle everything himself. If he's in trouble at all, if he's having problems, then you need to tell someone."  
  
"Look, the way I see it is, if he wants help, he'll asked for some. Nothing will change."  
  
"You sound like him."  
  
"How's that?"  
  
"He said 'what good is talking when it won't change the inevitable'."  
  
Luka shrugged.  
  
"You're encouraging thins? Can you not see he's a danger to himself?"  
  
"I'm not about to tell him how to live his life. I will make suggestions, but he doesn't listen to me as it is so why should this time be any different?"  
  
The lounge door swung open and Abby stepped in.  
  
"I'm glad you're here. Have either of you seen John?"  
  
"Why?" Susan asked.  
  
"We were finishing a trauma and just out of no where he disappeared."  
  
"Did he say anything?" Luka asked.  
  
"Goodbye."  
  
"This is what I'm talking about, Luka," Susan said.  
  
"He's not answering pages, or his phone. I called his house and the butler said he saw him once right after he got back but he hasn't been there since." She watched as Luka picked up the phone and dialed. His French was quick and fluent. The conversation ended after only a few words before Luka began to dial another number. Frustrated he put down the phone.  
  
"Who'd you call?" Susan asked.  
  
"A mutual friend."  
  
"Twice?" Abby asked.  
  
"No. I called my apartment second."  
  
"Why?" Susan asked.  
  
"Because he's been sleeping here," Luka confessed as he grabbed his coat.  
  
"So, now you're worried?" Susan asked as she followed him out.  
  
"Why is he staying at your place?" Abby called as they disappeared.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Author's Note: Thank you for all the reviews. Please continue as I develop my story even more. While you're at it, check out my other stories. New chapters are posted regularly. 


	3. Popping Pills

Disclaimer: I do not own the original ER characters, however I have made up a few of my own  
  
Falling Down: Popping Pills  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Four hours they searched for him and came up with nothing. They were exhausted and agreed to call each other if they heard anything, no matter what time it was.  
Susan was about ready to pass out when she saw him sitting against her door, knees propped up, a bag at his side.  
"Where have you been?" she asked as she kneeled beside him. He shrugged. "What's wrong?" she asked, slowly reaching over and feeling hiss pulse. He pushed her and away and that's when she felt something hard connect with her shoulder. She grabbed his arm and pulled back his sleeve to reveal a plastic cast wrapped with an ACE bandage. "What happened?"  
"How long are you going to make me sit out here?" he asked finally looking at her. That's when she saw the black eye and swollen jaw.  
"You're only coming in if you tell me what the hell happened to you."  
"Fine," he said as he slowly stood up and grabbed his bag. She unlocked the door and watched him step inside, the bag dropping to the floor.  
"I need to make a call," Susan said quickly dialing a number as Carter shrugged out of his coat. "Luka, it's Susan . . ." she saw Carter's face as his movements falters.  
"Hang up the phone," he growled, shaking his head.  
On the other end, Luka was trying to get Susan's attention.  
"I have to go," Susan said a minute before Carter reached for the phone. "What's wrong?" she asked him.  
"Leave Luka out of this. He's done enough. And if you think of calling Abby, I'll leave."  
"Fine. I won't call. Just tell me what's going on."  
"I was at the gym. Not a big deal."  
"Did you get in a fight?" Susan asked shrugging out of her own jacket.  
"Sure."  
"Sure? What kind of answer is that?"  
"Boxing."  
"Have you boxed before?"  
"You should have seen the other guy." She watched as he opened the fridge and pulled out a water bottle.  
"Did you break your wrist?"  
"Four places. Maybe I shouldn't box with an already injured wrist. Kind of hurt." Now he was just getting on her nerves.  
"What is going on in your head?"  
"I forgot," he said with a smile.  
"Fill me in or I'm calling Abby." She picked up the phone.  
"I really hate you sometimes," he said as he laid down on the couch, placing the cold water bottle to his eye.  
"You are my best friend, John Carter. I love you. I don't like seeing you in pain." She sat on the edge of the couch and removed the water bottle from his eye, gently touching the area. He never flinched.  
"I love you too," he said taking her hand.  
"Now you're going sappy on me?" she asked.  
"I quit," he blurted, putting the water bottle back to his eye.  
"Quit what?"  
"Life. My job."  
"You quit county? Why?" she asked, standing up.  
"I can't work there anymore," he told her, lowering his hand.  
"Why?"  
He sighed. "Have you ever had the feeling that you're drowning and you can't reach the top?" he asked her.  
"Once." She looked into his eyes and waited for a response.  
"That's how I feel every time I look into your eyes," he said with a smile. She hit his arm. "Ouch."  
"I'm serious."  
"Every time I step into the ER, that's how I feel. I can't breathe."  
"Have you talked to someone about this?" she asked.  
"You sound like Luka."  
"I'm serious."  
"Yes. Every day since I got back from Africa."  
"What did he say?"  
"He said that I should live life to it's fullest." He sat up and gently brushed arms with Susan.  
"Why do you keep talking like this?" she asked.  
"Like what?"  
"Like suicide." He was silent as he looked at her. He slowly leaned in and his lips brushed against her. Susan didn't quite enough as he pulled back and looked down at his feet.  
"Thank you," he whispered.  
"I didn't do anything."  
"You love me." There wasn't two seconds between the moment her hand touched his cheek and their lips meet in another kiss. This time it was masterful. It wasn't gentle and slow, it was rough and fast, and it wasn't only him. His body followed hers on the couch and things slowed a little bit. He spent time savoring the taste of her mouth, memorizing it. She was shaping his chest as his shirt was peeled off his shoulders. He was so lost in the feel of her that he didn't feel her unbutton his jeans until her hands were rested firmly on his butt. It took Susan a few seconds to recover from his sudden movement out of her arms. He was sitting in a chair across the room, his head in his hands. And that was the first time she noticed the gauze wrapped around his wrist.  
She quickly went to his side.  
"I'm sorry," he mumbled. "I shouldn't do that to you. I can't believe I did."  
"It's not your fault. It takes two to tango."  
"You should crash. You've been at work for awhile."  
"Not until I know you're okay."  
"I'm fine," he said. She slowly reached for his hand and looked at the gauze.  
"John, this is not okay," she said.  
"I'm fine. I'll be here when you wake up."  
Finally she sat up and then stood.  
"I have a big bed," she said.  
"Not a good idea right now," he said with a soft smile. "I think the last thing we want is to take our relationship to that level."  
She nodded and disappeared into the bedroom.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
When Susan woke up, she could smell the coffee brewing and breakfast cooking. Carter sat silently, only drinking coffee as she sat. Halfway through the meal he excused himself to take a shower. Susan waited for him to start humming in the shower before walking over to his bag. She didn't have to dig far. Her hand curled around and touched multiple pill bottles.  
"Hey Susan," he called.  
"Yeah?" she asked standing up quickly and walking to the door.  
"Do you want a ride to work?" he asked walking out fully dressed.  
"I thought you quit."  
"I gave my notice." He finished tying his tie and walked over to his bag. She heard him pull out a bottle and shake out a pill. For him to be open about his drug habits didn't seem right.  
"Carter, don't," she said moments before he put the pill into his mouth.  
"What's wrong? It's only a vitamin," he told her. His smile faded when he saw her expression. "What's going on with you?" he asked zipping his bag.  
"I should be asking you the same thing." She ran her hands through her hair. "I saw the pills, Carter." His expression went from curious to furious. "If you're using again then maybe you should quit now."  
"Remember when I told you I'm sick of depending on other people? This is why I can't trust you," he said angrily as he picked up his bag and slammed her door on the way out.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Author's Note: Please continue to R&R as I develop my story more and work out Carter's problems. 


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